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'NEXT DAY GUARANTEE? THAT'S THE LETTER NOT THE POST OFFICE'
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'And that's, basically, how short-selling works'
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'Will there be less paperwork?'
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'The can of cider makes you look ten years younger'
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'I stole your car a month ago and it's nearly bankrupted me'
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'It's terrible, I'm spending nearly £1 a week on food'
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BEIJING SMOG FEARS
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POLICE PROTEST
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'I got out of cash and into plastic carrier bags'
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'I'm celebrating National Tomato week'
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'I hope the Transport Secretary gets home before her children have grown up'
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SCHISM SEASON BEGINS
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'WERE YOU EXPECTING MANY PEOPLE AT THIS DEMO?'
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'AND THEY WONDER WHY WE DRINK'
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MY WIFE GAVE ME THIS JUMPER AND I GAVE HER THE VOMITING BUG
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BE CAREFUL - A LOT OF THEM CARRY THE VOMITING BUG
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POLICE STOP! I'VE GOT YOU SURROUNDED
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