NORMAN THELWELL (1923-2004)

BEGINNER'S LUCK	DON'T FORGET TO SEND A FEW HOLIDAY POSTCARDS THEY ARE NO TROUBLE TO WRITE. ... AND WILL GIVE ENDLESS PLEASURE TO YOUR FRIENDS	'TIMBER!'
'THIS IS A MIRACLE OF MODERN SCIENCE. IT PUTS IN TURKEY FLAVOUR'	BETTER PAY FOR DOCTORS	CORONATION FETE
HOW TO KEEP YOUR HEAD IN A CRISIS	TRAFFIC SHY	THE AA MAN AND THE HOLIDAY QUEUES
ANNIE	I WISH I'D NEVER MENTIONED THAT HE HAD A STONE IN HIS HOOF!	"I'M GIVING YOU EXACTLY TEN MINUTES TO PACK THIS LOT UP AND CLEAR OUT"
WHAT THE BUTLER SAW	HOW ARE YOU KEEPING OTHERWISE	'LET'S SEE THE JONESES KEEP UP WITH THAT'
WE APOLOGIZE FOR THE BREAK IN TRANSMISSION AND CONTINUE OUR PROGRAMME WITH THE FLIP-SIDE OF THE STONES' LATEST RECORDING	STEP OUT THE BOY WHO SWITCHED CHANNELS	DON'T FORGET THEN – YOU'LL ALWAYS BE VERY WELCOME TO VISIT NO FOURTEEN ACACIA AVENUE
WHICH PROGRAMME HAVE THEY GOT ON?	I'M WORRIED STIFF ABOUT ROVER. THE RHUBARB HASN'T BEEN SLEPT IN	LOOKS LIKE ANOTHER ONE FOR INTERPOL
STRAIGHT TO THE LAB AND WE WILL GIVE HIM THE SALIVA TEST	WHO WAS TOP IN ELECTRONICS?	COUPLE OF SHOTS OF THIS AND THE INTER-SCHOOL SPORTS TROPHY'S IN THE BAG
WE'VE OFFERED HIM ALTERNATIVE ACCOMMODATION	A DANGEROUS HOBBY	GNOME WORSHIP
FIAT 500, E TYPE JAG, HILLMAN HUSKY, AUSTIN MINI COOPER S, DAIMLER SP250 ...	THREE SHEETS IN THE WIND THELWELL'S MANUAL OF SAILING	DON'T PULL THE TRIGGER – SQUEEZE IT
DECIBEL REDUCED	YOU NEVER THINK OF WEEDING THIS THING!	WHY IS IT THAT IT IS SO OFTEN THE UNDESIRABLE TRAITS THAT OUR CHILDREN FIND SO ATTRACTIVE ... ?
HORSE AND RIDER	THE OPEN ROAD	HOMES AND GARDENS
THE RISING GENERATION	IT'S THE FIRST TIME WE'VE USED THE SUNSHINE ROOF THIS YEAR	SEE IF YOU CAN FIND A FIRE-ENGINE – HE WANTS ONE FOR HIS BIRTHDAY
THEIR HABIT OF DASHING ACROSS ROADS WITHOUT LOOKING	THEIR KEEN INTEREST IN ORNOTHOLOGY	POLYPUS
IF A GIRL TREADS ON A CAT'S TAIL SHE WILL NOT FIND A HUSBAND FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR	A CAT MAY LOOK AT A KING	SEE WHICH WAY THE CAT JUMPS
CAT'S HAVE AN UNCANNY ABILITY TO FORECAST EARTHQUAKES	CAT ICE	SILLY CAT LUCKY CAT
CAT LAP	CAT'S LITTER	CAT NIP
CATCHU	TOMBOLA	CAT'S EYES
OCTOPUS	CATS KNOW HOW TO OBTAIN FOOD WITHOUT LABOUR ... SHELTER WITHOUT CONFINEMENT ... AND LOVE WITHOUT PENALTY	OLD CATS MEAN YOUNG MICE
CORNWORTHY, S DEVON	SAFETY NET	HIGH JUMP
THE HOLE IN THE WALL	THE FOX AND HOUNDS	THE WOOL PACK
THE HOLLIES	OUR PONY ALSO THROWS ONE A MINUTE	... CAN LEAD TO SORE FEET
'WHAT A TIME FOR IT TO GO ON THE BLINK!'	RIDING SCHOOL: THE LETTER HOME	TELEVISED PERFORMANCE
ALSO RAN	COMING OVER THE LAST	PENELOPE RIDES AGAIN
THANK GOD! IT'S THE LEMONS	COASTAL PATROL	IT'S LUCKY HIS BACK GAVE OUT WHILE HE WAS PLANTING ONE HERE
BERT'S PLANTING YAMS & PAU PAU	FOR GOODNESS SAKE, GET HIM A CONKER TREE !	YOU'RE TOO IMPATIENT. THEY TAKE A HUNDRED YEARS TO MATURE
LANDSCAPE WITH SHEEP	... AND NO KICKING RAILWAY CARRIAGES IN YOUR BEST BOOTS YOU ASKED FOR IT. PULLING THE COMMUNICATION CORD ON THE WAY TO THE MATCH YOU LOOK AFTER INJURIES IN THE PUBS. OK?	CANAL HOLIDAY IN VENICE
MUDEFORD. HANTS	THE WEDDING INDUSTRY	MRS 'OPKINS! DID YOUR KIDS GIVE YOU A PERISHING GREAT BUNCH OF DAFFODILS FOR MOTHER'S DAY?
I WISH WE HAD A FEW MID-FIELD PLAYERS WITH HIS FLAIR	THE PERFECT PRESENT	HELLO! HERE COMES ANOTHER HABITUAL ABSENTEE
LET'S HAVE A LIGHTNING STRIKE	… ITALY WON'T BE ABROAD, FRANCE WON'T BE ABROAD – IF WE JOIN THE COMMON MARKET WHERE ARE WE TO GO FOR OUR HOLIDAYS?	WE BOUGHT IT MAINLY TO COVER A DAMP PATCH
NO CAMPING	SELF SERVICE MERRY CHRISTMAS	UNWELCOME CAROLLERS
FEATHER BED FARMER	CHRISTMAS POULTRY	STUDENT DEMONSTRATORS
THE SHORT-SIGHTED SHOOTER	MORNING RUSH-HOUR	MAY HEAVEN FORGIVE YOU
ENTHUSIASM	OWN GOAL	A PREVIOUS YEAR'S MODEL
DOOR!	A NUMBER FOUR IRON	I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WE'D PLAYED THEM IN THE WORLD CUP
OOOOH! GREAVES JUST MISSED A SITTER AT HIGHBURY	I'VE CHANGED MY MIND. THE SOONER THEY START NIBBLING AT THE GREEN BELT ROUND HERE THE BETTER	THE TRUTH ABOUT FOOTBALL
CHRISTMAS IS COMING DIDN'T YOU KEEP BACK ONE FOR US? SUPPOSE WE ALL DECIDED TO TAKE ONE HOME FOR THE CHILDREN – THEN WHAT?	YOU'D BETTER RELEASE THEIR BALL. THEY'VE KIDNAPPED THE CAT	YOU READ POLITICAL SIGNIFICANCE INTO EVERYTHING. IT JUST SO HAPPENS THAT NO ONE'S WANTED TO PINCH YOU UP TO NOW
TRIALS OF TRUE LOVE BY THELWELL I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD GO ON MEETING LIKE THIS, MERVYN. DADDY'S BEGINNING TO GET SUSPICIOUS	ALL THE SAME – I AGREE WITH WHAT HE SAID TO THE REF	CUT THEM OUT AND TRANSPLANT THEM. THAT'S MY ADVICE
OK, THEY'VE STOPPED THE BLEEDING	QUIET, IT'S CHARLIE. THEY'VE MADE ANOTHER GAS STRIKE	SHE KNOWS WE'RE ON TO HER. SHE'S GOT RID OF THE STUFF
HE'S ASKED FOR POLITICAL ASYLUM	HE'S ASKED FOR POLITICAL ASYLUM	ALFRED SUPPORTS MR WILSON'S POLICY IN EUROPE – HE WON'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER
RIGHT MEN! SHALL WE BLAST 'IM OFF FOR HALLOW-E'EN OR HOLD 'IM BACK FOR THE 5TH OF NOVEMBER?	THESE CHAPS MUST BE THE ONLY PEOPLE IN THE COUNTRY WHO ARE HAPPY ABOUT THE BRITISH ROADS!...	ST HELENA
THE BATTLE OF WATERLOO	THE NEW FATHER	KEEPING A GOOD STABLE BY THELWELL THEY DON'T BREED HORSES LIKE THAT ANY MORE
YOU MEAN TO SAY YOU'VE BEEN WORKING FOR THE RUSSIANS SINCE BALACLAVA?	CRITICS' PICNIC	MAN'S BEST FRIEND
DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR	SMALL IN THE SADDLE THELWELL GOES WEST	'I'M YOUR SCF, INSIGHT,' HE SAID, 'THE LETTERS STAND FOR SENIOR CHAPLAIN TO THE FORCES'
IT LOOKS AS IF WE'LL HAVE ALL THE WEATHER IN EUROPE TO WORRY ABOUT SOON	… AND THE THINGS YOU CALLED THE NEIGHBOUR'S CHILDREN WHEN THEY PINCHED A FEW!	SPORT FOR THE HELL OF IT
HERE'S ONE KID WHO'LL BE BLOOMING GLAD TO GET BACK TO SCHOOL ON MONDAY	PUNCH GOES OUTDOORS	DON'T LET ON TO THE KITCHEN STAFF. IT'S WHERE WE HIDE THE PRIVATE PATIENTS
A TALL STORY BY THELWELL I CAUGHT AN ENORMOUS ONE IN MANOR POOL, YOUR GRACE, BUT HE GOT AWAY	YOU CAN'T HELP BUT LIKE THEM – THEY DON'T CARE A DAMN	GREAT HOSTESSES – NO 38 LADY MACBETH
NO! I STILL DON'T SEE ANY RESEMBLANCE	I DON'T KNOW HOW THESE CHAPS THINK THEM UP!	REFRESHMENT TENT
DON'T GET TOO FAR AHEAD	THE OFFICE GOLFER	COMPLETE HOUSE FURNISHERS