TONY HUSBAND (Born 1950)

IT'S TRUE, HE IS WATERING DOWN THE BEER BLIMEY, IS IT THAT TIME ALREADY? WE HAD A WHIP ROUND ROUND TO CELEBRATE YOUR PROMOTION, IT'S A CREEPER
MS BARLOW IS HERE FOR YOUR LESSON PAUL, WHERE HAVE YOU HIDDEN THE PIANO? LOOKS LIKE HARRY'S GOT THE PUSH I'VE HEARD SO MUCH ABOUT IT, SO, I THINK I'LL TRY A PINT OF BINGE PLEASE
YES, WE LIKE OUR WINE I THINK HE'S STILL HUNGRY SAT NAVVY
YES, THAT'S THE WETTEST MARK, PERHAPS STUART AND KAREN DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR PILES! RIGHT, DO YOU FIND ME...A. VERY SEXY, B. SEXY, OR C. NOT VERY SEXY?
this will get the neighbours talking I DON'T THINK YOU'VE GOT THE RIGHT IDEA ABOUT FANTASY FOOTBALL CAN YOU TAKE ME SOMEWHERE I CAN SMOKE?
MUM, I FOUND THIS ROCKET UNDER YOUR BED! HELLO?...OH HI JIM...CAN I RING YOU BACK, I'M JUST SHAGGIN' THE WIFE ERM...I THINK WE'VE HAD ENOUGH SEX FOR ONE MARRIAGE, DON'T YOU MAURICE?
YOU'D HAVE THE THOUGHT THE DOCTOR WOULD HAVE COME OUT FLYING PENGUIN what girl in the cake?!
CAN HE RING YOU BACK? HE'S LOOKING FOR HIS EROGENOUS ZONES OH GREAT, UNITED! FEELING STRESSED DEAR, PROBABLY A TOUCH OF PRE MINSTREL TENSION
BABY ON BOARD BEFORE YOU TAKE MY DAUGHTERS HAND IN MARRIAGE, I'VE GOT A SMALL TEST FOR YOU YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE CLIENTS, EMILY
GASP, NEARLY THERE, THE FIRST MEN EVER TO CONQUER THE EAST FACE SHIT I'M PISSED... PHEW...NOT BAD FOR A PAIR OF OLD GITS EH LUV?
ERM, THAT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE VOLUNTARY EUTHANASIA TO ME MRS SMITH SENSITIVE AUSSIES SHOCKED BY SLEDGING SNOWMAN HOODIE
LISTEN, I'LL TELL YOU WHETHER I'M A CONTROL FREAK OF NOT NOW DOES THAT LOOK LIKE THE MUCUS OF A HEALTHY MAN? CAN YOU RING BACK, SHE'S RE-TILING THE ROOF?
LITTER LEMMING FLIGHT I'M THINKING OF JOINING A GYM
HOW DID YOU KNOW I'M AN MP? HE'S HAVING A CAT NAP JUDITH, HAND THESE OUT TO THE WORKFORCE WILL YOU
HEDGEHOG CROSSING CASH?.. TA MATE THAT WILL DO NICELY SHE'S THE BEST ALL ROUND SHEEP DOG I'VE EVER HAD
HE'LL BE ABOUT FIVE HOURS, HE'S TAKEN THE TORTOISE FOR A WALK I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER DRANK SO MUCH FACEBOOK
TURKEY FOR CHRISTMAS IT'S THE NURSING HOME, GRANDADS HURT HIS BACK BREAK DANCING AGAIN YOBETTES NEW YEAR
PROBATION OFFICER TEXT FROM MY DAD YOBS CHRISTMAS PRESI
SHALL I SIGN IT IN JOINED UP WRITING? BAD NEWS...YOUR DAUGHTERS A TEENAGER THAT'S A STRANGE BOAT, MUM
QUEUE TO SEE JESUS STOP WHINGING BAXTER, YOU'RE LUCKY TO HAVE A JOB BABY ON BOARD
JUST A MINUTE, YOU'RE NOT MY WIFE I DIDN'T MEAN FOR YOU TO PUSH THAT HARD OBESITY ON THE INCREASE
...PICTURES COMING BACK FROM MARS SHOW A BLEAK DESOLATE LANDSCAPE... HOODIES! FORM A CIRCLE THE DOGS JUST HAD A TEXT
AMANDA. THIS IS ROBERT. HE COMES FROM A LONG LINE OF COCAINE ALCOHOLIC VENDING MACHINE THAT'S TYPICAL...HE'S BLOWN OUT OF BOUNDS
...AND LET HIM WHO IS WITHOUT SIN CAST THE FIRST STONE HE'S HAVING TROUBLE WITH HIS MOTIONS I'D HAVE HIM CHECKED FOR DRUGS
YOUR'E RIGHT, THEIR NEW FENCE DOES ENCROACH INTO OUR LAND OH LOOK, HE LIKES YOU I THINK YOUR'E OVERFEEDING THAT BIRD
HELLO, YOU'RE EARLY YOU'RE RIGHT, WE HAVE STOPPED DOGS THAT LOOK LIKE THEIR OWNERS COMPETITION
STOP WHINGING, EVERYONE PEES IN THE POOL DON'T THEY? FEELING STRESSED DEAR, PROBABLY A TOUCH OF PRE MINSTREL TENSION I'VE SORTED OUT THE PROBLEM WITH THE NEIGHBOURS
MOTHER WAYS STOP WITTERING IN THE BACKGROUND YOU GOB SHITE AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO TAKE YOUR TROUSERS OFF? ERM, CAN I JUST CONFIRM THAT YOU ARE IN FANCY DRESS
GOT ANY SLUGS YOU WANT GETTING RID OF MISSUS? I THINK YOU'VE BEEN OVER-FEEDING THE FISH THE BAR BARBLACKSHEEP
WOULD SIR LIKE TO TRY THE WINE? I REALLY HATE IT WHEN MOBILE PHONES GO OFF REF, HE DIVED!
OH WOW, HE'S GOING FOR A DOUBLE SOMERSAULT WITH BACK FLIP! HELLO MISSES, GOT ANY ANTS NEED EATING? JOYCE, IT'S MAUREEN. WE WERE TRYING TO REMEMBER, IS YOUR ERIC STILL ALIVE?
BIFF! BOP! I TOLD YOU THAT FAN WAS TOO LOW! YOU HAVE TO FACE IT LUCY. HE'S PUT YOU ON A PEDISTAL
BUT IT'S YOUR JOB TO KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE CUSTOMERS END OF MOTORWAY GO TO THE ROUNDABOUT, GO RIGHT ROUND IT AND COME BACK UP THIS ROAD AND ASK HIM OVER THERE 'CAUSE I'VE NO IDEA
TWO BY TWO 'PEOPLE SAY THIS IS THE LONGEST
ESCALATOR IN THE WORLD.'
'THEY WERE RIGHT.' SINCE WE GOT COMPUTERISED. IT'S SO 
MUCH EASIER... RIGHT POST CODE...
WATCH OUT, SPEED CAMERA YES FATHER, I CUT DOWN THE CHERRY TREE.. I'D ALSO LIKE 40 OTHER OFFENCES TAKEN INTO CONSIDERATION ACCIDENT HERE 
DID YOU SEE ANYTHING 
CONTACT POLICE
YES? IT WAS BRENDA'S LAST WISH, THAT I INVITE OUR CLOSEST FRIENDS ROUND AND EAT HER DENIS IS TRYING TO GROW A BEARD

TONY HUSBAND (Born 1950)

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